Dear Big Pharma,
It’s time to talk. We’ve known each other for so long. Yes, I hang around with Supplements sometimes, and cruise the natural food store, and spend time eyeing better diets. I even exercise. But you are always there when I need a dependable helper.
Lately, though, you’ve been coming on strong, and I don’t like it. You’re pushing your way into every corner of my life. It’s embarrassing to see you lying around the house everywhere—with your gaudy orange outfits—whenever visitors come over.
You’re unreliable. You say you’ll do one thing, and you do another. You fix something over here, but make a mess of things over there. You follow me to work, in my car, on hikes, at every meal. I schedule my time around you. I wake up and go to sleep with you.
You need to back off and give me space—give us space.
Your friend,
Michael
Pictured:
Zofran: Nausea
Compazine: Nausea
Edibles: Nausea
Lipitor: Cholesterol
Chewable baby aspirin (yum!): So I don’t have a heart attack
Metoprolol: Blood pressure
Creon: Mealtime pancreatic enzymes
Oxy: For pancreatitis pain
Naloxone: For when I overdose on Oxy
Flagyl: Antibiotic
Cipro: Antibiotic
Lamictal: Epilepsy
Docusate: Constipation
MiraLax: Constipation
Imodium: Diarrhea (Make up your mind.)
Every day:
Creon: Pancreatic enzymes with every meal
Lamictal: For epilepsy
Metoprolol: For blood pressure (for the time being)
As needed during a chemo cycle:
Zofran: Nausea
Compazine: Nausea
Edibles: Nausea
Docusate: Constipation
MiraLax: Constipation
Imodium: Diarrhea
Tylenol/Ibuprofen