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It’s Over

I had my last chemo treatment (for the time being) a couple of weeks ago. And let me just say, I’d be dancing on a lush green hilltop too if my feet and legs weren’t so swollen from…the chemo.

After going into it with gritted teeth and a strong determination to vanquish the bastard tumor, my chemo run ended with a whimper, with me dragging my body late to infusion appointments because I just couldn’t take the idea of needles and nausea and the horrible smell of that antibacterial swab they use on me. So happy to have that behind me for now.

The reason I am on a prolonged chemo break is because it’s time for surgery. The reason I know this is because I asked my doctors, “Isn’t it time for surgery?” And they said, “Well, look at that. It IS time for surgery.” (That’s really how it happened.)

So this coming Thursday, I will check myself into the Kaiser Oakland hospital and let them dig around my insides.

It’s a complicated six- to eight-hour surgery (you can Google “Whipple procedure”) done by a Kaiser surgeon who I knew very little about until recently. I’ve met him twice and talked two other times, and let’s just say he won’t be reading me a bedtime story as I drift off to sleep before surgery. His terse demeanor is well-known on the hospital second floor. I’m prone to light banter when nervous; he has little time for pleasantries. All of this, along with my aversion to needles and scalpels and long bouts of unconsciousness, has left me on edge (terrified?) about the procedure in recent weeks.

But it turns out, after talking to peers, that Dr. K is also known for something else: being one of the best pancreas doctors in the East Bay. It also turns out, after getting to know him a little, that he is no-nonsense and no-bullshit, but not unfriendly. Just a little bored, perhaps, by having to explain a procedure he has done dozens, if not hundreds of times. If someone is going to extract a tumor from my pancreas and re-pipe my digestive system, it may as well be him. (Dr. K trivia: His daughter was Miss America once. The Miss America.)

I’ll spend a week in the hospital in recovery (assuming no complications) sucking on ice chips and apple juice out of kid-sized boxes, and then at least three weeks at homeā€”not at work, not biking, not kayaking, not doing anything fun.

But…but…after a month of follow-up, clean-up chemo, I will allegedly be cancer-free for the time being. Imagine that.

People keep asking me whether I’m excited by the surgery and finally getting the tumor removed. I’m trying to come around to that. But mostly I’m just looking forward to when it’s over.

[It’s Over, by ELO and featuring Jeff Lynne’s hair]